Apologies for Not Writing in a While
I notice I have not written anything here since April 2019. Today is the first day of 2020, and I need to do better. I feel like I have had writer's block since I completed my dissertation in early 2016. Not that writing a dissertation is a minor accomplishment. In fact, I would have never expected to have written one during my first career in the Air Force. Also, my dissertation was probably way too wordy, as witnessed by two members of my committee actually having a disagreement on length during my dissertation defense.
The point is that writing that thing was a major investment of my time and my energy. In my 50s when I wrote it, I had determined that I was not going to pursue the path of striving for tenure. That would have involved a lot of things I was unwilling to do. It would have involved moving from the Omaha area. I was not willing to do that, because by 2016, we had a one-year-old granddaughter (she is now going on five!) whom I had the opportunity to babysit twice a week. I would not have traded that for anything. The second reason I did not pursue the tenured faculty path is that I was unwilling to write two or three published articles per year. I could call that lack of motivation or laziness. I suppose that would be fair. But honestly, I do not feel bad about that.
So where am I and where is the world I live in on January 1, 2020? Honestly, my career in the Air Force, coupled with my PhD, has allowed me to engage in some rewarding things that I would not have been able to do otherwise. I have taught at both the University of Nebraska at Omaha and Creighton University. In 2019 I was hired full-time at UNO as an "Instructor" of Public Administration. I work on a term contract, so not great job security, but I am able to teach at the graduate level and work on some special projects. Hopefully, my bosses will renew my contract in May. I will write more on that by then.
Our precocious granddaughter started pre-school in 2019, so I have not seen her as much. But we do see her, and it is so rewarding to watch her grow and learn. I find myself so much more observant in changes than I did with my own kids. Again, there is absolutely no way I am trading that time with her for a job.
One of the reasons I say that is this. On the first day of this New Year, we find our Nation is still led by Donald J. Trump, as President who is a thorough aberration. What I want my granddaughter to know is that her Papa was one of the many people who took a stand against this train wreck of a presidency. I don't do much. I have marched in a couple of marches. I say things on social media. One resolution I have made it to make my posts on social media with less sarcasm and without ad hominen attacks. I do not know how an informed person could have voted for Donadl Trump, but attacking his supporters accomplishes nothing. But burying my head in the sand, and pretending we live in a normal time also accomplishes nothing, and is probably a negative thing.
Some friends and acquaitances have asked me to run for office. I briefly entertained running for Nebraska state legislature in 2018, but I decided against it. Sherry and I did not need the peering into our lives that running for office (sadly) entails.
What else is happening? 2019 brought me the big reminder of my mortality. Sherry's sister, Annette, passed away at age 58 from a "glioblastoma mass" brain tumor, the same kind of cancer that took Senator John McCain, and several years earlier, Senator Ted Kennedy. McCain and Kennedy lived longer lives, and there is a sense of injustice that Annette was taken so young. It is extremely difficult for Sherry and her other sister, because the three of them were exceptionally close siblings.
Annette's death makes me reflect on the mortality of all of us. Sherry has had breast cancer with the accompanying lumpectomy and reconstructive surgery. She continues on oral medicines. I had melanoma in 2011, with the spot removed at that time. I never really felt like a "cancer survivor" until 2019, when the melanoma came back. This time, a larger piece of skin was removed. My "crowning" event of 2019 was having a skin graft on December 26th, with skin taken from my leg and grafted to my bald head. As of today, I still have bandages on both spots, and should have them removed by January 9th. My leg oozes watery blood, and my head has a somewhat ridiculous looking yellow bandage that resembles a "man bun." I will continue to have the "postage stamps" (really spots 4 x 4 inches) on head and left thigh for months. So now, yes, I feel like a cancer survivor.
All of which brings me back to this time in our Nation. Here is what bothers me--Donald Trump is an insult to my service, and in my opinion, the service of the millions who have served, not only in the military, but in any government service. We all took an oath to the Constitution. Not one of us ever took a personal loyalty oath to one man. It is abundantly clear that Mr. Trump thinks loyalty to him is the major, and perhaps sole, criterion for government service. That's an affront. I feel sorry for people who genuinely believe that this man deserves loyalty. But I feel anger at the many Republicans who cynically protect him. I have a difficult time believing there is more than a handful of elected Republicans who think this is a guy they would follow. Their sole motivation is keeping someone from their party in office. The list of cynical Republicans includes my state's governor, and all five of the members of the Congressional delegation.
It's abundantly clear that Donald Trump has committed impeachable offenses, and continues to do so. How many Presidents have openly profited personally from the presidency? How many Presidents have made the military and the Secret Service pay fees to personally-owned properties (the only ones he travels to)? How many Presidents have openly asked foreign intelligence services to investigate domestic political rivals?
Back to the connection with the personal. I grew up Evangelical, but there is certainly no way I would return to that kind of church. Frankly, I have avoided church altogether, but I am not comfortable with that decision. I want to return to church, but I will be danged if I will return to a church that conflates Christianity with Trumpism. I won't.
But part of being in touch with my own mortality means being in touch with my view of my "higher power," as we say in AA and Al-Anon. I do not think the "higher power" is a fan of Donald Trump. Anyway, any Christian who reads those red letters in the first four books of the New Testament would have a difficult time honestly explaining how devotion to Trump conforms wtih devotion to the Teacher who uttered those words.
So in 2020, I am resolving to NOT keep my mouth shut. I am resolving that I will not use my limited time on Earth to pretend nothing is wrong. A lot is wrong.
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